This Is A Me

the Grand Canyon of my soul

This summer I have been quiet and confident.  Two weeks of anxiety and grinding my teeth—yeah, gross but totally real, haha.  Then deep and steady rhythms of receiving my Beloved’s love.

I was determined going into this internship that I wouldn’t be ‘wrecked’.  I have heard from intern after intern (including my own brother) that you are ruined in the internship.  I.e. that you loose your self-concept and are torn apart by a realization of who you are in the light of God–usually not very pretty or becoming or lovely.

That didn’t jive with the concept that the Lord had been feeding this whole summer, though.  And I didn’t know what to embrace: what people said or what I thought God was saying.  The answer seems obvious, but I am still new and young in this way of relating to God.  So, perhaps I should listen to people that had done it before.  After all, isn’t wisdom a thing to be desired?  Experience a thing to be honored?

Well, I decided to listen to the Lord instead.  I was beautiful, and every morning I sat and repeated to myself over and over that I was lovely in His eyes.  And, indeed, it healed my soul of the self-inflicted wounds of self-righteousness, trying to carve a perfect marble sculpture out of living flesh.  But today, He ushered in a new idea.

Reaching the end of myself and laying prostrate before Him would invite a revelation of who He was.